Hello Again, My Love

Can you believe I actually forgot about my blog-child here? I thought it had been deleted. And a friend spoke of it a couple of weeks ago. I was pondering a new blog, Modern Spinster. Damn the girls that already took that name!

So, here I am. Today, a single mother of three. Not yet divorced. Half-oprhaned. Unemployed. No boyfriend. Practically sexless for over a year and a half.

Full-time student. Strong candidate for the nursing program. Healthy. Living in my own home, alone, for the first time ever. Living strong. Happily. Living fiercely. (as was my promise to my mother)

http://main.acsevents.org/site/TR/RelayForLife/RelayForLifeHighPlainsDivision?px=4521073&pg=personal&fr_id=5634

Maddie and I have our own personal page set up for Relay for Life. Please look, donate, and forward. If you feel you cannot donate, that's okay, but maybe you'll think of someone that fought cancer, or was a caretaker, and forward it to them.

Thanks.

Relay for Life

This evening I spoke to the Relay for Life coordinator for Arnold, MO. Looks like I am putting some of my brain back to use and working on one of the commitees. Woohoo! The best part is that Madeleine and I are working on this together.

I will be fundraising, but I completely understand if you do not want to give cash. I have become a big charity supporter in the last year, but not everyone is the same....The American Cancer Society is holding several fundraisers for the event. The first one is easy- CAN YOU EAT ICE CREAM????

Maggie Moo's fund-raiser, Thursday 3/13, all day. A % of the proceeds from that day's sales will be donated to RFL-Arnold. Stop by from 5-9 p.m. to see Relay 'celebrities' scooping up ice cream and cleaning the seating area.
http://www.maggiemoos.com/visit_a_treatery/StoreWebSite.cfm?SID=25206

I'll probably work the event, but I am doing some other volunteer and charity work, so it's still too early to commit.

Ring Bling Cha-Ching!

I found my ring!!!! It was in the bottom of a knitting basket. I had taken it off before a shower and wanted to keep it out of the kids' reach, so there it was.

And there it is. Right where it belongs, on my left hand.

The pic is bad, because I am a bit shaky with my CFS, but I am getting better, so why complain???? They were just about to deliver the new one, so I am just giving hub all that money to do whatever he wants.

I am uber-happy.

steppin' out

the hub and i were caught smooching by our daughter-

..a pic of the hub and I going out tonight....(this is rare)

Why He's The One

Today, my husband and I celebrate precisely four years of wedded bliss. Well, it hasn't been all easy bliss, but that's just called marriage.

It's utter romance at my house. Candlelight and nighties last night (me, not him) , and dinner tonight. I gave him his mushy card and two gifts last night.

So, here's my gift. For my birthday, he "upgraded" my engagement ring. Money was tight when we married. This year, I received a huge marquise with emerald sides and baguettes. It's almost three carats in all. It was stunning. Well, while taking my mother to chemo a couple of months ago, I slipped my rings off so that I could protect it while washing and cleaning up.....and I lost it. I cried my eyes out. He never got mad at me.

And, on Tuesday, my new identical ring is due to be delivered. He bought me the ring I loved so much- again.

Another reason- as my husband was breezing through the kitchen, he says, "Did you hear about these twins in the news? They were adopted by different families and married, and now find out yers later they are actually brother and sister!"

I said, " Goodness. Does that mean if we discover we are related we can't have sex anymore?!?"

His reply was "No, we just can't tell anyone!"

Perfect.

Hosting a Party?

CandleLite, Mary Kaye, Simply Fun, Silpada, Lia Sophia, Pampered Chef, whatever......

I do not need an $80 pizza stone, or a $15 necklace that is priced at $98. I do not want your bonus gifts, and I do not want a hostess discount. Most importantly, I do not want to drag my family and friends into my home so that I may plow them with food and drink, and then stir the silent tension with, "What are you thinking of buying? Oh, that's lovely." You cannot turn me down face-to-face, you see. After all, I came to your party. And the rep is here. She's a friend of mine, and she is spending a Friday night trying to breathe life into a "Passion Party". Oh, fuck me! I do not want to invite my mother in law to a dildo party. The rep herself has spent twenty hours or so planning this shin-dig, making sure I have enough warm bodies with checkbooks to make it all worth her while, but guess what- it's not.

When will women wake up to this direct marketing? Oh, the part I love the most is how these pathetic women look forward to taking a few other women under her wing, so she can make a cut of their action, too.

He-looo?!? Pyrimid Scheme? Anyone? I have yet to see a Pampered Chef rep paying off her mortgage early. I don't want your email specials or your invitations for pizza rolls or mini-quiches.

I went to a "bring a friend" Mary Kaye crapmeeting, as a favor to the friend that drug me. This was four years ago. Never bought anything. Do you know I am still on the hostess's mailing list? I think the bitch sent me some Mary-Kaye Christmas card!!! Wow. These women do not get it.

(For the record- Avon does not do this. And, they will continue to receive my money occasionally.)

The Deluxe

....It's even got "glow in the dark miracle hands"!!!!

http://www.mcphee.com/items/11537.html

So, So, Wrong

Yes. I elfed myself. Along with my three kids.

http://www.elfyourself.com/?id=1440544854

I'm Not That Creepy....yet

Ok, so I had a second and searched for D'onofrio on eBay, hoping to perhaps find a copy of Happy Accident, because I really do like the movie, and no one is going to buy it for me. (I'm in a sentimental romantic mood somehow).

Lots of "fan stuff" on eBay, pictures and autographs, and magnets, yada yada....and two shirts. With "certificates of authenticity". Ummmm.....right.

I am sure Mr. D smells as gorgeous and manly as he looks, and this was supposedly worn once or twice, doesn't mention anything about being laundered....

So, some freak is removing wardrobe items from a set, and selling them? Who is buying them? I am creeped out, and I am sure that somewhere Vincent D'onofrio is sitting in front of his computer, and occasionally does a search for his name, even if just for kicks. Hell, I do it, and I am certainly not famous. But, I cannot fathom how exposed I would feel finding my used clothing for sale. I think there was Shannon Daugherty's bra for sale, and other such items. Ewww.

If I wear a man's shirt, it's because I miss the man, or he's tossed me around all night in an unforgettable manner and I am drinking a cup of coffee before I dress.

I must confess I am a scent hound. Especially since I quit smoking, my nose is so sensitive, more than those around me. I smell EVERYTHING.

I remember when I dated SJ. He walked off for a minute and found me smelling his laundry- his Mr. Bubbles shirt, specifically- just basking in his scent. When I mate, it's with the nose as well as the rest of my body.

He burst into laughter at the time, but then sent me this. It's seems I am in touch with my primal side.

Just Not Feelin' It....

I am in that space that women periodically find themselves in- that angry, fed-up, my-time-has-been-wasted-here space.
I invest. It's what I do. I should probably get one of those stupid "Life is Like a Garden. Dig It!" signs. Although I am a bit of a lawn-hound, the sentiment itself is what I relate to....I invest my whole self into people and projects. And I suppose that with investing something so precious and rare as moi, I absolutely expect to see growth and return.
This is why women have affairs.

Miracle #1: The Incredible Shrinking Woman

Just wanted to post a pic of our family from a visit with extended family. Get that?

No, the miracle is that Dr. Big Guy called the house Friday night and let us know that somehow, by the grace of God, and the prayers on our behalf, my mother's tumor is shrinking.

I believe in the world of pancreatic cancer this is defined as: incredibly freakin' rare.

Dear God,

Please keep the miracles coming.

Thanks,

Amy- your favorite sinner

Been There, Done That

Every couple of weeks, I like to cruise on over to Cosmo online and find their "Sex Position of the Week".

I print it out and stick it in the husband's sock drawer, or in his closet.

We hope to think we'll have sex again someday when the kids go off to college.

Puff Stuff

What?

This has to go straight into the file of "stupidest shit I have heard in a while".

"I am definitely honored that a black man is running for the Presidency, but to be honest, he has to do something for black people."

-P. DIDDY
on Barack Obama's run for the presidency

Alright, follow me, as this stupidity is a two-part utterance.

First, why is he "honored" that a black man is running for President. Is he doing it for P Diddy or at his request, or in lieu of his candidacy?

I suppose he's never heard of Jesse Jackson, Al Sharpton, or Alan Keyes. Was he just as honored in 2004? I find it interesting to note that during 2004's Presidential Election, Diddy's Vote or Die campaign publicly supported John Kerry and specifically the defeat of GW. He did not support a black candidate? Things that make you go hmmmmmm......Right.

Second, He has to do what for black people? I thought he was running for President of the United States, not Kappa Alpha Psi. He is supposed to do something for ALL Americans, right? Or, did I miss the point.

I am really surprised that most of the black voters have camped with Hilary. Assuming Diddy would endorse her, what has she done for black people? Have any of the other candidates "doing something for black people?"
And, why would he have to do something for African Americans? Is Obama black? Is Obama white? People may see this as fence-sitting, but he seems to be running as an American, to be a President of America.

btw- Obama has my vote.

It Just Feels Good

We do little bits of charity. This week, we packed a couple of boxes for Operation Christmas Child. Next week, our family will give to the food pantry, and the week after, we donating food for four families to make their Thanksgiving meal. What's four cans of chicken broth among friends, huh?

We you know that your hands are tiny, but useful, it opens you up to the world.

We are Family

Two moms, a pirate, Lightning McQueen, and even Cleopatra herself.

Have You Received This?

I guess this is when my inlaws stopped REALLY talking to me. Small talk and business is still okay, but not much past that.

So, I get this email:

Written by a housewife from New Jersey and sounds like it! This isone pissed off lady."Are we fighting a war on terror or aren't we? Was it or was it notstartedby Islamic people who brought it to our shores on September 11, 2001 ?
Were people from all over the world, mostly Americans, not brutallymurdered that day, in downtown Manhattan , across the Potomacfrom our nation's capitol and in a field in Pennsylvania ? Did nearlythree thousand men, women and children die a horrible, burning orcrushingdeath that day, or didn't they?And I'm supposed to care that a copy of the Koran was "desecrated"when an overworked American soldier kicked it or got it wet?...Well,Idon't. I don't care at all.I'll start caring when Osama bin Laden turns himself in and repents forincinerating all those innocent people on 9/11.I'll care about the Koran when the fanatics in the Middle East startcaringabout the Holy Bible, the mere possession of which is a crime in SaudaArabia.I'll care when these thugs tell the world they are sorry for hacking offNick Berg's head while Berg screamed through his gurgling slashedthroat.I'll care when the cowardly so-called "insurgents" in Iraq come out andfight like men instead of disrespecting their own religion by hiding inmosques.I'll care when the mindless zealots who blow themselves up in search ofnirvana care about the innocent children within range of their suicidebombs.I'll care when the American media stops pre tending that their FirstAmendment liberties are somehow derived from international law insteadofthe United States Constitution's Bill of Rights.In the meantime, when I hear a story about a brave marine roughingup an Iraqi terrorist to obtain information, know this: I don't care.When I see a fuzzy photo of a pile of naked Iraqi prisoners who havebeenhumiliated in what amounts to a college-hazing incident, rest assured:Idon't care.When I see a wounded terrorist get shot in the head when he is told nottomove because he might be booby-trapped, you can take it to the bank: Idon't care.When I hear that a prisoner, who was issued a Koran and a prayer mat,andfed "special" food that is paid for by my tax dollars, is complainingthathis holy book is being "mishandled," you can absolutely believe in yourheart of hearts : I don't care.And oh, by the way, I've noticed that sometimes it's spelled "Koran" andother times "Quran." Well, Jimmy Crack Corn and -you guessed it -I don'tcare ! ! ! ! !If you agree with this viewpoint, pass this on to all your e-mailfriends.Sooner or later, it'll get to the people responsible for this ridiculousbehavior!If you don't agree, then by all means hit the delete button. Should youchoose the latter, then please don't complain when more atrocitiescommitted by radical Muslims happen here in our great country! And may Iadd: "Some people spend an entire lifetime wondering if they made adifference in the world. But, the Marines don't have that problem." --Ronald ReaganI have another quote that I would like to add AND.......I hope youforward all this. "If we ever forget that we're One Nation Under God,then we will be a nation gone under." also by.. Ronald Reagan One lastthought for the day: In case we find ourselves starting to believe allthe anti-Americansentiment and negativity, we should remember England 's Prime MinisterTony Blair's words during a recent interview. When asked by one of hisParliament members why he believes so much in America , he said:"A simple way to take measure of a country is to look at how many wantin... And how many want out."Only two defining forces have ever offered to die for you:1. Jesus Christ2. The American G. I.One died for your soul, the other for your freedom.

Yes, I am adding one....a child in an elementary school was eating a ham sandwich in the cafeteria at a table with Muslems...He was suspended because they (Muslems) do not eat portk. How ridiculous is that?



That last commentary was from one of my in-laws.....

And here's what I wrote back to each of them:

Sorry- I find it hard to believe that the Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ would think it was perfectly fine to strip and stack (or rectally penetrate with a pencil) other human beings because they were Muslims.

I guess it's just silly me.....

And that, your honor, is when I noticed their level of conversation drop off.....drastically.

Deep Breaths

Well, I am coming down from a long day of chaos. Everything just went wrong. I dropped things, broke my favorite Mom mug (from my daughter), forgot things, gopt behind, etc. You know that kind of day.

I am looking forward to Friday. I have tix to see Barack Obama speak at Union Station Friday afternoon. I am really excited, and it's seems I share my enthusiasm with my pastor.

Yes, I have a pastor. Who would have thought? Just before I was smacked with my mother's diagnosis, I went back to St. Mark's. I wanted to go back- it had been a year since I had visited.

Well, let me start from the beginning. I would not, for the last twenty years or so, have described myself as Christian. Far from it, actually. Then, I saw the StillSpeaking commercials. And then, this one. It peaked my curiosity. So, I found my local UCC church and dragged my daughter one morning, while my mother watched my boys.

Maddie and I walked in cautiously, overly suspicious of Christians and their motives. Like homophobes are of gays- it's all about conversion, right?

Miss Betty walked up and her smile lit the room. she said, "Hello!" and hugged us. Maddie and I would normally be creeped out, we smiled and hugged her back. I am shocked still to this day, but I can tell you why we didn't run. Trust me, I have questioned this a billion times- she was genuine. A whole roomful of genuine people. I have never seen such a thing. These warm, true followers do not give a damn about your sins- let's just welcome you and get to know you.

We were just bursting to tell everyone we knew that there really was a place like this. It's real. And in Jeff county, no less.

So, a few months ago, early July maybe, before my mother's diagnosis, I went back. I went with my friend Carolyn, and the weirdest thing happened. First, I puddled up, because I finally believed in something bigger than myslef again. But, here's the part that almost made my spit my ovaries onto the floor. We line up to shake the pastor's hand as we exit. I shake, and say, "Nice to meet you." He said, "We met last year. Good to see you again, Amy."

So, we go just about every week now as a family. The church is pretty small, about 100, maybe a bit more, and they are rather commited to humanity. For example, the church down the street has a gym, and a cafe, and indoor track, an arcade, several meeting rooms, a conference area. My friend and I went to walk the track one day. she says, "see. I want to belong to a church like this, that has things to do for our family. " I said, "That's not what I believe a church should be about. Look at this building. It probably cost $750,000. Can you imagine how many homeless people could have been fed for a year on that money?"

And my little church takes offerings of food for the pantry every month. We have an extra home that belongs to the church, and we have set it up for a single mother and her son who has cancer. Sometimes we all chip in and buy her a gas card. She just lost her job, and gives us updates on her progress. These are little examples, but I am finding there are helping hands available. The week we became members, even though I couldn't be there, a couple of women cooked for us (meatloaf, roast, potatos, salad, and even a bottle of dressing, and sent it here so I could take a break from cooking!)

And, yes, I still get to have a drink, drop the F-bomb, and be a good person.

Freudian Slippers

Yes, I bought my brother these for his birthday. He laughed his ass off.

I remember my greatest Freudian slip ever. It's another story.

I came close to topping it this morning.

My hub and I had a great night of getting our freak on last night, and this morning as he handed me my coffee, I gave him the big smile. I praised his earth-shattering skills, and he reminded me of a particular point of the evening before.

Do you remember the famous line, back in high school, when you yelled at someone to stop talking shit behind your back? I messed it all up....

I said, and quite loudly I might add "Oh, yeah, HOW ABOUT TONIGHT YOU COME AND DO THAT TO MY FACE?!?!"

So Long, Suckers

The one nice thing about having a lonely blog that no one reads is the complete freedom to mother-fuck your "friends".

I was about to open my address book two days ago and send the following email to everyone in it.

Dear Everyone:

I would like to give a huge thanks to my friends for all of their love and support at this time. Carolyn, Cindy, Hoda, and Amanda- you have really gotten me through this. Really. It's times like this you know who your friends and family really are. It's those four people.

The rest of my "friends" have not even called once a month, or even once a week to find out how I am doing. I am alone every day, cooking and cleaning for my family, watching my mother waste away in between each meal I prepare for her. I am living in a complete nightmare, and not one of my in-laws has dared to reach out to me. I have sat for hours on the phone and in person listening to people talk about how they haven't gotten laid, but when the pain in my heart is so bad that I don't know how I am going to walk through this, those same people haven't taken five minutes in a month to see if I'm breathing. I'm not a perfect person, I have made plenty of mistakes. But, I deserve better than this, and I am so hurt and dissapointed by the people I have known for years. I am living a nightmare, and no one has even offered to hold my hand for a moment except for these four people. Everyone I know is aware of my circumstances and situation.

It's really hard to watch someone you love die. It makes it harder to find yourself suddenly standing alone, to realize that the people you've known for years don't really care about you. It's a double-whammy.

My mother said the same thing. "You know those thirty people we used to have breakfast with on Saturday mornings? Well, you see how many of them have called me. None."

I hear some of these friends of mine wail about why they haven't found the perfect person to share their lives with....maybe this could be a clue.