Conjuring

Ok, Universe. I am lonely this weekend. I didn't get to hang out with Murph and set that straight, because I still had a mid-term, no childcare, and baby Maria is still in the hospital. Anyway, it's been nine... almost ten months. I have held my head high and stayed strong. I have done all of this alone. Not really many hugs, no one to hold my hand, or let me cry. I would like to let my guard down every once in a while. I am exhausted. I get scared. I get lonely. When I was talking to Ferrell tonight, I was asking him if he ever felt this way. He said "Of course. I have been alone for ten years now." I tried to explain that I thought if I had my head screwed on straight, I wouldn't need anyone to hold my hand, or comfort me...I should be strong and independent, and never need another person. Well, I don't feel that way right now. I feel like I would give anything for a real connection. I would like to fall asleep with someone again, to be able to cry, to feel safe and protected....just for a little while. And I feel guilty for wanting that at all....as though it completely contradicts my personal 'feminist manifesto', or something.... So, I would like to conjure. I want a smart, funny, sexy man for a light-hearted old-fashioned romance. I would like him to magically know when I am fragile, and not let me get away with playing it tough when I should drop my barriers. I want him to be noble and trustworthy, so unlike my ex....I want him to be "geographically desirable". A man I can bring into my entire life, one baby step at a time. I am not asking for happily ever after...who knows....I am looking for something that suits me right now. Hardworking, must love the outdoors. Must have a strong dichotomy as do I.....Must be passionate. I would like to be pampered a bit by him, as well as have the opportunity to dote on him as well. He must be stable, pref. with children of his own. He should be open-minded, and share his favorites with me. The chemistry should be such that sitting under an evening sky could create a lasting memory. He could share my religious belief, or have some of his own. I would really prefer if he were tall, and believed in helping his fellow man. Good teeth a must! This man should value education. He should rock trivia! He shouldn't be much of a drinker, and certainly no drug use. He should value his health as well. No tobacco products. It would be beneficial if he could hold his own in the kitchen, though he certainly doesn't need to be my personal chef. I would like to ride that chemical wave, and be surprised along the way. A man that is dominant enough to go head-to-head with me. I can't steamroll over him, and he wouldn't want to try to steamroll over me. He should kiss like he means it. A little gray hair would be a plus. Oh! I want him to have nice, thick, tree-trunk legs.....hair on his chest, but not on his back..... A great smile that catches my eye from across the room. He should be kind to people less fortunate when only God is watching.... Ok, so that's all I can think of off the top of my head. Thank you, Universe! I know he's on his way. Amended: 6.26.10-- I need this man to be emotionally available. A little more than E, but not smotheringly codependent, either. He reallly has to love me "just right". There should be a thrill in the first kiss. And the second. The love shouldn't be awkward. A man that is proud of who I am. He also frequently "mans up". I would also like a man that understands my pace-- perhaps I wouldn't seem so inconsistent if I weren't trying to run at someone else's speed. Love is fabulous, and if the fairy tale were to drop in my lap, I wouldn't want it to end in two weeks. I prefer a lifetime romance. Amended: 1.30.11-- I desire for this man to be honest and open with me. I want to feel secure in what he claims to be true. I want to be a priority, not forgotten-- and treated with the respect I have earned. 4.12.11- Wow! Great job, goddess. You really delivered. I obviously forgot a few key points, however : P This particular man needs to be stable. And communicative enough that I have some idea as to what's going on with him. Income is also an issue for me, I have found. Not that he needs to supply mine, more like he needs to have a prosperous one of his own. The razor-sharp wit of a geek could only add to his resume. He needs to have respect for what I do for a living, and be able to listen (happily) to my stories. Honesty is a MUST. He will not keep me waiting, ignore me, or disrespect me and he will not allow others to take advantage of him or his loved ones. Thank you again. I can hand this back to you now, with gratitude : )