Wrapped

I am just overwhelmed. Completely. I miss my mom. When your mom talks to you, everything is going to be alright.

I am alone. Bored, stressed, buried in work I don't want to do. Depressed. Just canceled a date. Not excited about him. I am so tired of having to be alone, working, and strong. I get scared, unsure, and lonely....and there is no one I can tell. When I reach out for help, my friends are too busy, or Ron is often flustered. Today, I was just looking for an ear, and he says, "it sounds like you want me to take the kids today" in this "tone"...no, but I would love for someone to understand. I need to have contact with someone, a connection. I felt that with Murph, but I get swamped with these kids, and I think he thought I was blowing him off. I tried inviting him out for lunch...no response.

Why can't people understand that I am alone in this? It makes me too inconvenient to date, it seems. If I knew a responsible adult that could be a decent parent to my children..I wouldn't be breathing anymore. I tell people point blank, "I need a break. I need help. I am alone. I am depressed." and I hear how life isn't always going to be this way. Really? Ok, with the exception of my kids will get older...what is going to change? When you tell everyone you know that you are drowning, and no one steps in....