The New Year

Since I feel like the batch rag of modern society, I must say that I am quite surprised that I feel any optimnism toward the new year. I think that in itself must be my main resolution for 2004- to stop living like this.

I know that I am blessed out the ass. I have a fabulous (almost) husband...(any day now...) and a healthy daughter. I have been given another child that will be here by the end of the year. I am on speaking terms with my entire family...blessing or curse I cannot decide...

My problems lie with the lonliness and sense of direction, or ability to have one. I think Robin Williams had the best idea...an anti-depressant I could really get behind....Fuckitol. I think that is what I'ma gonna haffa do. When I call my friends, they are tied up, or don't call back, or maybe another day, and to be honest, I am sick of trying. I feel as though I am pouring my best years out to this family I have chosen, and I feel about 1 mc tall, if they remember me at all. And beyond all of this, I am sick of whining about it. I have got to find a new way.

But, now, I feel that vomiting is a more pressing issue. How many more months of this????

For Men and Vo-mann

Heh. I foundout that I was #3 in a web search for Hans Weiman. I rock!!!

It's a Miracle!!!!

It's no secret to my friends that I am not a technoguru. However, I placed my concerns in the loving arms of Blogger support, and it seems that they have laid my fears to rest. Let's see........POST!

You must for give me. Again. My posts are here, on blogger, but they are not publishing to my blog when they say they do. It's actually a couple days later...time to ask for help. Damn.

One Week's Worth

Since I haven't gotten to post in over a week, I am just going to throw out a whole bunch of crap that I would have blogged about, given the time, energy, program worked correctly, etc.

I remember when people used to live their little lives through me. "Oh, you have so much going on, oh, you do so much, you are always doing something fun..." No one says that to me anymore. "Oh, I wish I spent my afternoons home, alone, and wondering what I should do with myself!"

My ex, M's dad, is a major cocksucker.
NO, I am not going to leave my daughter ( with two other girls) in the hands of an 11-year-old-girl you have known for thirty-six hours because you want to shop with your girlfriend. Neither of you have a freakin' job, one of you will have to stay home.
NO, I am sure that you don't wait for the girls to sleep before you start smoking pot in the house. You've been caught in the afternoon for Christ's sakes.
NO, that wasn't the only time.
NO, my daughter will not ride in the front seat to go anywhere, because you moved a family into your momma's house without thinking about how you can transport everyone at a time.
NO, you will not lie to me and tell me that everyone can fit since the girlfriend is staying home, and Maddie tells me the truth once she comes home. She is only fifty pounds, and six years old- the airbag will kill her.
And, NO, I do not want you at my house again, stoned or whatever, and backing out of my driveway so that you knock over my Christmas decorations, without even knowing, drive over them, break them, and drive off. Anyone know if a good lawyer in the metro area?

I got the best Christmas gift EVER. C and I decided that Christmas was not about us, and decided we would give each other special trats later, and focus on M and the family now. M raced down to the tree, and there was the biggest haul there ever.....As she plucked each package (they were all hers) from under the tree, she said, "Oh! This is to Beebs! (what we call our baby- it sounds unisex)" I open the tag..."To: Beebs We Love You!" C had wrapped this in secret and placed in under the tree in the middle of the night. It was the softest yellow duckie you could find, and a doubles as a rattle once you shake him. It was better than receiving the Hope Diamond.

Might I also add that I hosted Christmas this year, for the first time. Wow, that makes you feel like a grown up! My dad came, and then my brother and his ex girlfriend (long story), dad left, mom and H came, and then ex-girlfriend left, then brother left, then we ate, then mom and H went home. Wow, it was about 8 hours of people, and being pregnant, I was not up to that.

Speaking of, this would be a great time to devour that hard-to-reach market of pregnanacy porn addicts!

Things my daughter, M, received for X-mas- not just from us, but from her entire family circle.......

$50
Harry Potter figurine sets- 3, actually
Dolls
Earrings/necklace set
new shirt- very cute!
new pj's- very luxurious, too
hand puppet theatre
hand puppets
spongebob bank
Babbling spongebob doll- too funny- I want to keep it
A new Bratz scooter
Spongebob fishing pole
fingerpaints
sidewalk chalk
4-$1 gifts that were not for her, but I did not communicate that to C and he wrapped them......ooops
ton of Playdough
Shrinky Dink maker
Harry Potter spiderweb candy maker, with bugs- eeew
Harry Potter pumpkin iced drink maker
Easy Bake Oven
Playstation 2
Tony Hawk game
some other Krash game (?)
a snowboard

...I know there is more, and I simply cannot remember it all this early,if ever....Damn. And she said this would be the worst Christmas ever. But, her dad never even called her. I did not want her to, but I asked if she wanted to call her dad. She said no. When I asked why, she said she was worried that he would hang up on her. C and I explained that her Dad (probably) would never do that, he is upset with mommy, and no matter what he always loves her (M). She still said no. The other night, when he hung up on me, I was in the middle of saying that I wanted him to have a relationship with his daughter...

Ironic is the fact that yesterday, while M never heard from her dad...she visited her two sisters and his ex-wife. Btw- I think that his ex, D, is the sweetest thing on earth, and I would let M see her anytime. She is also married to a man that probably deserves her. Of course, he is like C, and has "good man" written across his forehead...but she is so awesome, they must deserve each other.
Perhaps my ex, although an utter loser, is some sort of karmic luck charm!!!After he's played a central role in your life for five years or more, you will find an amazing man to spend the rest of your life with!!!!!His ex-wife, D, did. His daughters A and M did, and now I did too. Well, I look forward to meeting my son-in-law, then!

Please Forgive

Truly, it's not that I haven't posted in a week, although with the holidays here, it would almost be understandable. NO, I had a BEAUTIFUL rant about my absolute refusal, and subsequent funny debate/argument between C and I, to have our (maybe) son circumcised.
It's gone! I posted, edited, reposted, and published at least twice just to make sure that it went up, but to no avail.
Damn! Damn!

It's All About the Johnson...

Let me start by stating that I, for the record, think that C's johnson is beautiful. It, like 99% of American johnsons, has been circumcised. However,my love and I absolutely disagree on what we should do if our baby has a penis.

C says it's ok to have a baby boy circumcised, no harm, no foul. I asked him to grab a kitchen knife and remove any excess skin from his pretty member, and he thinks I am nuts. I say this proves my point.

He says that circumcision is cleaner, and therefore, healthier. I say washing your genitals is what makes them clean, not any lack of flesh.

He says that it will take longer for either parent, and eventually our son to wash his penis. I say that men spend too much time "washing it" anyway.

He says that our son will be afraid to shower in gym. I say- when did you go to high school? We never showered until we got home. And doesn't our son have a built-in comeback about kindly asking his pals not to stare at his dick? Isn't that impolite or something? I thought might be considered slightly gay .

I cannot believe that someone that has a penis themselves isn't more protective and empathetic. For godsakkes, if you want to get into an anatomical debate....if someone asked to remove my clitoral hood, I would be rather pissed! We,in America, would call that genital mutilation. Am I right, or am I right?

Woohoo!

With one swift attempt (C must be a fetility god in the flesh), I am ecstatic to announce my pregnancy to the world!

Except my father.

He never needs to know.

Just kidding.... I am giving him the news this afternoon. Our darling one-to-be was conceived on Thanksgiving. We were very thankful that evening, you see. My daughter has promised not to eat the baby, so she seems to be taking it well. I made an ecard announcement, complete with a sperm and egg. Hanging above, it reads, "Guess What?" How cool is that. But, to make it really classy, it playes "Chariots of Fire". I wonder how many people won't get it....

C was very happy when I broke the news. I took the test with my daughter, M. It turned positive immediately. I took the back up test as additional proof my love, the scientist, and waited for him to come home. At one point he asked for bread and butter. I grabbed some bread, and delivered it to the table. I did the same for the butter. Then I said, "Oh, you will need a knife, too." At this point, I handed him the knife and both positive tests.

C looked like the RCA dog for a moment, with his head cocked and a sudden look of confusion on his face. This was abruptly replaced with the world's biggest grin. He came over, smiling, holding me, and kissing me. We laughed and laughed. I am sure that from here, it will all go downhill.....as I get fat. I am joking, of couse....C is practically beating on his chest every moment of the day. I am so proud of my big daddy!

My daughter wanted to get online so we could see what the baby looks like at this stage. We discovered my due date is 8.22.04. We found a picture of the one-month old baby, and I must say she was very unimpressed!

Good Morning, Sunshine...

I must confess that I have been in a wee bit of a depression lately. I wasn't sleeping, I was stressed out, my friends don't call much. Lousy friends.
I got to spend the day with S yesterday, and damn that was nice. Doing nuthin' but chatting and laughing. I came home and pampered the crap out of myself, including a french manicure paint job on me toes! Hub to be came home and jumped my bones, I jumped his in return, and then he made me french fires! After a fabulous night's sleep, he woke up and is taking over this morning- getting M ready for school, and driving her. All I have to do is eventually brush my teeth....heh.
I positively addicted to my new favorite website, Bust. It's got everything a girl could want!

Let Me Get it All Off My Ample Chest....

I am in a rage. I think this could be the most severe case of PMS I have seen in years. Which also pisses me off to no end, because that means I am not pregnant. Again.

Everything has pissed me off today-

my darling C: he asked me about my day last night, and I informed him that I finished all the ironing in the house, meaning he has several freshly pressed shirts to choose from. This morning he stands at the closet, in his boxers, with a stupid puzzled look on his face...."Did you do some more ironing?"
Well, fuckwad, that means you were not listening to my day, and now I feel an utter lack of appreciation for the time I give up to take care of you and my daughter. I am so glad that your day is soooooo much more important. Jackass.

my daughter: Spend 25 minutes or so "brushing her hair", not mentioning that a section of her hair is coated in some preternatural goo, which I end up cutting out. I then proceed to explain the importance of hygeine, a concept foreign to her father (no I did not say that to her), as I attempt to place her hair in pigtails while she cries and screams. I then ask her where her gloves are. She gives me the same puzzled look that C had at the closet....Wethen realize that her hat is not a go with the pigtails, so I ask her to put her hood up. I am racing to get out of the house, all I want is a lousy egg mcmuffin before I get to the office....no she then throws the hood down again. I lost it. I will not give up my days for these two just to be ignored. Who in the hell do they think that I am? The hired help?

My boss ran out of work for me almost two days ago. I am left with busywork. Once I completed my busywork today, I was asked to spend the next two hours checking it again. Fuck that. I know I am only a part-timer that does not receive any information, and I am not asked to participate in any of the fun events of the company, and I am not asked to the Christmas party, and I am dismissed early in order to NOT attend the company-wide catered-in lunch, but don't fill my time with fucking busy work. Not while I just watched you carve snoflakes out of paper to hang on your office window for the MANDITORY x-mas decorating. I could go to the gym, finish the laundry, masturbate, smoke....I have plenty of better things to do.

Since when am I the doormat?

Damnit...I placed the link ever-so-carefully within the test....let's try to work the magic again....Tramplamp!

Oooh! Ooooh!

I have got to get a Tramplamp! I think Margot is my favorite!!!

Dear President Bush: Thanks for the Memories...and the bills

My father talks all the time about the damned "tax-and-spend" Democrats, who play Robin Hood and re-distribute the wealth. His latest touts are about how the Democrats have lost so much face, thanks to the Republicans passing that wonderful Medicare reform. The Democrats said it couldn't be done, because we couldn't afford it. Wow, are they embarassed!
Ummm....Dad? Are you awake? Why don't you read this article from Time magazine, and we'll chat about it as soon as you refer to it as " liberal propaganda" expelled from the left-wing media....ok?

We cannot afford it. Has anyone sneaked a peek at the deficit lately? It's a wee bit out of control. To my father, who accuses me of being a tax and spend liberal, I say that those out of control Republicans treat the budget like it was their damned Daddy's gold card...you are not taxing, which is a wonderful thought, but you do have to pay this back some day....not taxing and spending is even worse, wouldn't you say?

What in the Hell has Happened to Me?

I did a web search this morning that I am not particularly proud of, but I still fell compelled to share. I am realizing that the only way to truly keep up with a home is to break the to-do list into days. Old ladies used to do this all of the time in the forties and fifties. Your grandmother, no doubt, broke her week into "laundry day (washing)", "ironing day", and "cleaning day". This seems to be what I am going to have to do. Today, of course, being "laundry" day. Woohoo.
There must be a ton of Monica in me. My house is pretty clean, and decorated for Christmas. The only mess in my home are the 5 or so odd dishes/glasses in my sink. I simply cannot live any other way. It's been vacumed, swept, scooped, washed, dusted, decorated, etc. I am a feakish neat freak, or so it would seem. I do not know of anyone else in my age group with these tendencies. Help!!!

Ooooooh! Ahhhhh!

btw- last night, my honey surprised me with some oh-so-beautiful gold hoops...(we had been together six months as of yesterday)

OOOOOh! Ahhhhh!

btw- last night, my honey surprised me with some oh-so-beautiful gold hoops...(we had been together six months as of yesterday)

Forever and a Day

...That's about how long it has been since I last blogged. It's now 4:16 am, and who am I kidding? I am never getting back to sleep. Let's just say that my whole world has been turned upside down, and my health is also in shambles. Direct cause-and-effect? No, I would say more of a correlation rather than causation.
My mother informed me last night as well that she will not be having ANY Chiristmas at her house, and so I had to explain this all to my six year old daughter. She then questioned if we should cancel Christmas as well. Way to go, Grandma. Fine way of upsetting a child- don't come by for Christmas.
The funny thing is, I am the one accused of "tearing the family apart". Yeah. A family memeber turns up with almost-not-quite kiddie porn on the computer, and I say "I will not be a part of this. I need to calm down." My family's reactions so far: "HE is really upset by this....You shouldn't come to Thanksgiving...I will not call you anymore...No, we are not having any Christmas, so you and your daughter do not need to come by..." Ok, you got me. I am the sick one.
Enough of that....