The New Year

Since I feel like the batch rag of modern society, I must say that I am quite surprised that I feel any optimnism toward the new year. I think that in itself must be my main resolution for 2004- to stop living like this.

I know that I am blessed out the ass. I have a fabulous (almost) husband...(any day now...) and a healthy daughter. I have been given another child that will be here by the end of the year. I am on speaking terms with my entire family...blessing or curse I cannot decide...

My problems lie with the lonliness and sense of direction, or ability to have one. I think Robin Williams had the best idea...an anti-depressant I could really get behind....Fuckitol. I think that is what I'ma gonna haffa do. When I call my friends, they are tied up, or don't call back, or maybe another day, and to be honest, I am sick of trying. I feel as though I am pouring my best years out to this family I have chosen, and I feel about 1 mc tall, if they remember me at all. And beyond all of this, I am sick of whining about it. I have got to find a new way.

But, now, I feel that vomiting is a more pressing issue. How many more months of this????