Just in Case

So, my junior-high school boyfriend called me last night. No kidding. From when I was 13. I was literally sorting beans. It sounded like the lamest reason to get off of the phone, but I have started the bestlife diet, and I am so hoplessly commited to getting my body back to recognizable and healthy. Anyway, so he calls me back today as I requested. I told him that I was a devout Christian and somewhat obese. Thought that combo would ruin any impure thoughts he may have had.

Weakness

The family and I were eating a dinner at Denny's- my daughter's choice. The food tasted like ass and the ambiance matched quite well. So, we are sitting next to a table of four septuagenarian that were gobbling up the senior shrimp and were are almost completely paying attention to our own business, when the foursome got up to leave. I never did pinpoint the culprit, but one of them let out the world's loudest fart. It was amazingly loud. More amazing than that, only my daughter and I seemed to notice the sound. She looked at me, I looked at her, and I immediately scanned the room. My head turned checking everyone else in the restaurant, too see their reaction and poor attempt at a poker face.....just me.

Now, I have a horrible weakness when it comes to farting. I cannot ignore it, and at times like this, I just laugh uncontrollably. So there I am, in Denny's, I am sure I am on Candid Camera, and freaking Alan Funt will bring my one year old's mashed potatoes, and everyone in the place will applaud and laugh, just like I am doing. Okay, I wasn't applauding.......Frankly, my head just kept spinning, eyeing everyone through a haze of tears.

I miss the days of hundred dollar dinners and no farting. But, it was rivoting.

Too Little, Too Late?

I hate it when my life is a whirlwind of crap. I had so many things going on- I took a bad fall, bounced a baby off my floating rib, caught a case of strep, recovered, lost a pound or two, had baby's first birthday, sent my daughter off to her first father/daughter dance. Now, I am just snowed in, bummed and in the midst of a tiny depression, filled with cabin fever. But, now I have the time to write and not a damned good thing to say. I'm going to try again tomorrow. Since no one actually reads my blog, this becomes a huge advantage. Back to SpongeBob....