It Was Beautiful and Horrific

We all went to the service for baby Q. No one wanted to go, no one wanted to face the grief full force. I will never forget the exquisite alter, and the sight of E, strong and beautiful- even on that day of all days. The sight of J, walking so tenderly, carrying his son to the alter. The pain he wore on his face made me want to gouge out my eyes, so I would never have to see anyone so ravaged by devestation. The service itself was beautiful...E bowing with such grace and J chanting from his very soul... We all chanted with them- in Chinese no less. How we actually managed such a thing, I will never know. How we also managed to form three growing and concentric circles as we all held hands and chanted..it must have been the very force of this child. It was by far the most beautiful service I have ever attended, as if one has the ability to rate the pleasure in a tragedy. "As tragedy and horror go, this was top-notch!" (?) The only other commentary I can make is this: never have I seen such grief, or such love. The compassion that we all showed one another hung in the air, almost smothering the oxygen right out of one's lungs. E, J...when you are ready...we are all waiting to see you smile again.