About Last Night...

Last night, I got to do something very special. I got to make amends to someone I loved very much. The last time I saw this person, it was agonizing, and everything was left "all wrong". I went to the Grind and met SJ...we spent an hour together, and I was just the honest, calm person I am watching myself become. We had some laughs and some awkward moments, but all in all, it was good. When I got home, I said that there was a little something missing...I couldn't figure out what...It was like when you forget to add pepper to a recipe...you couldn't say what it was, but you noticed. Well, I had a night of dreaming- which means I did not sleep so well- but the dreaming was cathartic.

In the dream- I was in love with this hansome dark haired man. It's been so long since I have been gaga like that, i forgot what it was like (even in a dream)! I remember him coming in to kiss me, and I thoguht to myself, "It's ok to fall in love now. It's time." Well, I am sure that I am not goint to fall in love today, or this week, or this month, but the dream let me know that what I did last night was exactly what my soul needed. He is alright, and so am I.

I know what you are wondering . Because of my post a week ago, you are wondering if I actually looked at him and thought, "I cannot believe I let you put your penis inside of me!" The answer is no, I did not. I did not, much to my suprise, sit and wish he would do it again. I thought I would be a lovelorn, heartbroken woman. I am surprising myself all over town...I felt love, but very removed. Once I saw him, I don't know what I was holding onto this whole time, except for the pain.

The point is, all is well.

I had a fabulous thing (semi-related topic) pop into my mail today. I wanted to make sure I shared it with everyone in my reach. It puts into some flowery-ass words something that I began believing deep in my core, nearly two years ago. It ended up changing my concept of love. Love doesn't mean that someone will always be there, life may pull them in another direction. Even away from you. Even painfully. It doesn't mean that you did not love them, even if just for a little while.

The Agreement

With each person who passes through your life, you have a soul agreement.
What this means is that, long ago in the realm of the soul, you promised to have some
special encounter, share some life-shaping experience,
complete some soul-honing work with that particular soul in this life.
Soul agreements are commitments to the evolution of our individual souls in conjunction with one another,
as one by one we make the journey to that state of seamless awareness that the mystics call Enlightenment.

It is because of these agreements on a soul level that at times you may
feel a mysterious strange connection with some other person,
why difficult people may at times inexplicably inhabit your life,
why you may find yourself on a journey with a particular person—
as if you had an unwritten contract to fulfill—
And then discover that, as if by amputation, your association is suddenly over.

As the community of souls who have gathered together in life on Earth,
We have agreed not only to remember for each other the pure state that was our origin,
But also to act out whatever portion of the needlessly changing tableau of human experience
We have been called upon to play to ensure our own soul’s growth,
And that of the souls to whom we have made these deep promises.

Some of us are here to be beautiful and strong, others to be cranky and difficult,
some to die young and teach us through the searing heartbreak of great loss,
others to live long and instruct us through wisdom.

But no matter what role we are playing, we are all enacting a part in that one great spiritual destiny,
which is to remember our eternal essence and move toward ultimate union.
So it is that every person you meet, each soul who crosses your path and affects you—
wonderfully and terribly, briefly, or for a lifetime—
is here for that reason, and every relationship you engage in is but a small scene in the vast,
ever-unfolding human panoply that is being endlessly enacted for the purpose of your soul’s development

When you recognize this, you will suddenly, breathtakingly see
that each person has been brought to you with a high and elegant purpose,
that each soul has come to touch your soul and teach it, and
that each relationship exists to hasten your own soul’s beautiful awakening.

No longer is anyone a stranger,
no longer can any of your relationships be seen as failures to mistakes.
In the light of the Spirit, we see that we are all playing out roles that are the
fulfillment of an exquisite and all-encompassing plan.

To recognize this is to step out of conflict, and into Grace.
For when we realize that life has been so beautifully designed,
we will bask in the light of the Spirit
we will live in absolute Peace.