I Can't Believe I Used To Let You Touch Me!

This is usually the reaction that I have when bumping into an old flame. Actually, it's a little more graphic, but in the effort to be a lady-yeah, right. So, today, S and I are skipping around, purchasing crappy foodstuffs for Family JunkFood Night, when woosh!- there went a black Corvette. Hmmmmm...it was (duh, dum, DUHHHH) my former love, the Mattress Giant. I picked that name, for the record. Or, Captain Tripod. ( Boys and their egos love me) So, there he goes. Now, mind you I haven't seen this man in months. And here's the story:
So, Tripod is engaged to this woman now, M. M is nice enough, and I have never really had an issue with her. Well, that's not true. Mr. Tripod told me some things about her that she said and did behind my back, but Tripod has a big mouth- as you will soon see- and I decided to forgive and forget before I met her. Met her, she's cool, yada yada yada....One day, while I am whacked out on drugs and comforting Tripod through the annual breakup with this woman, I say "I am gonna let ya go, I'm getting that loving feelin' that has been long gone." He's hip, and disconnects. Because he loves her- she still hasn't gotten that, I guess. So, I am taking mondo drugs, and once I clear- I emailed him to say, "Well, I can't believe I said that. It's not true. Don't sweat it. I was whacked. Hope you can forgive." He does, and "Life is good." He mentions this story to her a week later and she freaks. I am now "disrespectful" and he still wants to sleep with me? ( I was not there, this is all second hand) I can't blame her, but yet I can...anyway, so Tripod decides to never speak to me again. Whatever. Now, on one hand, I can say wow- she is wrong. I know I am not a threat. She should know this too. Now, on the other hand, Tripod told me a bunch of the stuff he told her about me, and he should have never done that. He told me she was insecure and if he had told me that shit about his ex while we were together, I would be too. So, in short- he done me wrong, and he done her wrong, and she done me wrong, but I can see all the sides. Just to recap: Although I am not angry at either one, I think the whole thing is fucked and I am glad I no longer allow these things to occur in my life. I love my halcyon days.

So, whoosh. there he goes. Now, I am waiting to see what I will feel. I was placing my big money on anger, with the small change on pity. Not pity for being with her- nothing like that- pity for the dramarama he allows to be presented before him. That has nothing to do with her- his own friends say horrible things about him and screw him. Poor guy. So, whoosh. I feel....................................love. A big wave of love. I was shocked. Am I evolving? There was hope for his happiness, and love all over. I remember how happy I used to be watching him smile. Even when it was at M. You see, it wasn't about me. I loved this person so purely and without motive. Apparantly, when you love someone like that, it does not go away, no matter what they do, or how angry you get. I was blissful just too see him alive, and whoosing as I always remembered him. I hope they are both happy, that they have indeed married, and are building their house. I hope his son is content, and I hope he is perfectly at peace with the world. And that's how I know that he is the first man I have ever loved so completely......I felt love.