So Long, Suckers

The one nice thing about having a lonely blog that no one reads is the complete freedom to mother-fuck your "friends".

I was about to open my address book two days ago and send the following email to everyone in it.

Dear Everyone:

I would like to give a huge thanks to my friends for all of their love and support at this time. Carolyn, Cindy, Hoda, and Amanda- you have really gotten me through this. Really. It's times like this you know who your friends and family really are. It's those four people.

The rest of my "friends" have not even called once a month, or even once a week to find out how I am doing. I am alone every day, cooking and cleaning for my family, watching my mother waste away in between each meal I prepare for her. I am living in a complete nightmare, and not one of my in-laws has dared to reach out to me. I have sat for hours on the phone and in person listening to people talk about how they haven't gotten laid, but when the pain in my heart is so bad that I don't know how I am going to walk through this, those same people haven't taken five minutes in a month to see if I'm breathing. I'm not a perfect person, I have made plenty of mistakes. But, I deserve better than this, and I am so hurt and dissapointed by the people I have known for years. I am living a nightmare, and no one has even offered to hold my hand for a moment except for these four people. Everyone I know is aware of my circumstances and situation.

It's really hard to watch someone you love die. It makes it harder to find yourself suddenly standing alone, to realize that the people you've known for years don't really care about you. It's a double-whammy.

My mother said the same thing. "You know those thirty people we used to have breakfast with on Saturday mornings? Well, you see how many of them have called me. None."

I hear some of these friends of mine wail about why they haven't found the perfect person to share their lives with....maybe this could be a clue.