At That Particular Time

It's amazing how something can wedge itself into our hearts and minds, only to reappear without any warning.

I was sweeping and picking up the house, drinking a cup of coffee, and singing with the boys. My iTunes were cranked to a safe level, and I am thinking of lunch....My iTunes changed from "Real Good Man" to "At That Particular Time" . I sang along, not thinkig too much of the fact that it reminded me of a painful breakup. I cannot hear that song without thinking of my ex-boyfriend, SJ. It wasn't a particularly long romance, but I have only truly loved three men in my life- Ferrell, SJ, and my husband. Sorry, Ferrell- I used your name here.

So, yeah, it wasn't a long romance, but I'd still give him a kidney or two. I made huge mistakes, it was a rough time in general. Work was stressful, we didn't have similar lifestyles, and I was so afraid of losing that good thing, that I completely lost myself. So, not only was I probably suffocating him with panic, but I had also become some sort of stranger to him as well. Then I got really sick near the end. I told him a month or two later that I was really sorry, and I was honest that I was still in love with him. I learned a great deal at that time in my life, but I hate that our relationship ended the way that it did.

I did email him a couple of months ago, about purchasing something that he had...I wanted to find one for myself. I had also hoped that he would tell me how he was, that he was alright, warm, happy, in love, and stable, with someone to hold him at night. When you love someone, that's what you want for them. I want him to be as happy as I am, to have found the "one" like I did. Maybe someday, I'll bump into him, and he will tell me that he has the life he always wanted. That would be a gift from the heavens. I already know how my other two loves are doing! But, once in a while, I rememeber SJ and I wonder and I hope.....

So, there I am, puddling up in the middle of my living room...Do all women do this????