To The Velvet Hammer:

How dare you! What consistant audacity- who do you think you are? Your entire life, I have watched you sparkle in your self-made, ever-glowing spotlight of quick humor and borrowed witticisms. I began working the curtain, as I knew the stage was too crowded, with you and your ego. I am not trying to produce a holier-than-thou mantra, but I was the backbone while you were looking glamorous. While you breezed in and out of our lives, "unable to cope with our drama", I took care of the issues requiring strength, diligence, and discipline. You bastard.

I hate you as much as I love you. You are certainly my other half, but it's the half I choose to discard. Your venom is boundless. You allowed our mother to believe she was never there for you. That's all she ever was- there for us. You just had to stop for a moment. She pulled our father off of you, and off of me. Maybe she could have left sooner to spare us, but really- where could she go? She was indeed trapped with no money, no education at that time. Have you ever been trapped? No, not you....You chose the coke over your child, you drank through your last marriage, you escaped to a hodgepodge of cities....what good has it done you? And what have you learned? Not much. And our father? Yes, what a self-absorbed prick he can be....perhaps you did learn something after all! But, take note of his better attributes as well....security, stability, duty. No, you chose to integrate his loathing and objectification of women, as well as his utter reluctance to apologize. Yet, the man still goes to bat for you after almost forty years. You know, he hasn't laid a hand on you in over 20 years. It's time to toss out the tissues on that one- make peace with it, confront him, see a counselor, anything- because we all, and I mean every living person on this planet, earns our battlescars and can hate our flesh and blood. Yet, most of us choose to grow the fuck up and move on.

Why are you so special that you don't have to obey the civilized rules of interpersonal relationships? Why do you get to crawl in the bottle, or do a line of coke, all the while singing, "I....ain't got nobody!" I have sat, in shock and awe, in my quiet little corner watching you destroy those that care, much like a hurricane. Your mother asks me what could I do to be better? Your father asks me when will he grow up? Your girlfriends run to me with questions as to what they have done wrong. If you are lucky- and you are one lucky SOB- you will actually outlive your parents, much to their surprise. They have already apologized to me..." I am sorry, A, but he will be coming to you once we are gone. Just don't give him cash." It's ridiculous that this has been repeated to me since I was about ten years old. I don't mind being the responsible level-headed one, but I hate the fact that I have no other choice. Someone has to be.

Someone had to tell Mom it was going to be alright when she left Dad. Where were you? Coking at Gateway! Someone had to pick Dad up and support him and his every need after each surgery. Where were you? Getting wasted in Chicago! Someone has to help Mom through this last incident. Not really your fault- you don't know about it- because she knows that she cannot depend on you! Dad needs help around the house. Where are you? You cannot even wake up on time for an annual family function. You are too hungover....When things are good, you are nowhere to be found. When things are tough, you run. You have the fucking balls to tell our mother to lie in the bed she has made, when she had bailed you out time and time again.

Well, there is one thing that is so incredibly similar between you and I - our anger. My dear, you have now overstepped your bounds. After a peaceful holiday, this will not be pretty. I love you, but, my dear, you are about to be fucked by the little quiet one in the corner.