How to Learn Without Even Trying....

When Mommy is sick, a lot of things suddenly change in a household. I should know because I have had some killer cold turned in to bronchitis thing. The word, in a nutshell, is brutal. So, I wanted to share with others things that my husband and I have learned about life while I have been to ill to tackle my normal duties.

- I learned that being a stay-at-home mom looks like a really good gig to a man. For about a day. Friday, he had the house clean and took care of the kids. Saturday, he switched one load of laundry and did some yardwork. Sunday was a "day of sports", and by Monday it was merely "Lord of the Rings box set day."

- I learned that a man cannot possibly load or unload a dishwasher with a child around, at least according to my husband. I explained that Jackson and I use the dishwasher every day, and that he really doesn't bother anything a parent might put in there. "Well, I haven't gotten to run the dishwasher yet, " he says so seriously. "It's full of germs right now". I then muttered something about our boy in a bubble as I walked away disgusted.

- I learned that my husband believes that I have trained my cats to feed and water themselves.

-I learned that I have the lofty expectation of my husband NOT spitting his chew out into the bathtub while taking a shower, so that when I immediately fill it to give our son a bath, he is not bathing in tobacco and Daddy's spit.

-My husband learned that there is a local number to the poison control center via Cardinal Glennon Children's Hospital. I learned that this number is located on the very first page of all of our phone books, and that Jackson seems to have a special affinity for ripping out the first page of all of our phone books. We both learned these aforementioned lessons when Chuck turned to wash his hands, leaving his "spit bottle" of Rolling Rock on the couch for thirty seconds...leaving Jackson enough time to ingest the aforementioned spit. (Daddy took Jack to the hospital for some charcoal and apple juice cocktails, as well as clinical observation. Jack is fine.)

- I learned that nothing seems to come between a man and his interests. While waiting for the ER staff to finish observing my son, my husband called to ask if I could call him back in ten minutes. Why, do you ask????? So that I could place the telephone against the speaker on the television, tune into the game, and therefore broadcast it through the speakerphone on his cell so that he would not miss a moment of the fucking Colts game.

- I learned that I still love my husband, regardless of the above, and how moronic and selfish it makes him seem at times.