Stupid-Ass News

I have apparently watched all of the pertinent news today, because I have heard some really ridiculous news today. Is there a murder/fire/flood shortage, or something?

For example, I had Headline News on this morning. I know that it's not really news. I call it news for people with Adult ADHD, which, by the way, I do not believe it exists, but I am sure that I have it. Anyway, HLN says that Al-Queda, or perhaps even other unnamed terrorists, are planning an attack. Ummmm...duh. Isn't that what they do, like 24fucking7? What other things do they do? I haven't seen any Al-Queda candystripers lately...maybe they are busy planning another attack! Sources say that they are likely to strike where there is a large congregation of people. Really? That's a unique thought as well. Killing LOTS of people at once!

Channel 5 then reported that "there are currently no plans to change the terror alert level". Why is that news? Does the American public actually tune in, maybe call into work if it looks as though the terror alert level MIGHT change? How many times has it changed without incident in the past year? How many times have we been warned of a "possible attack"? About a billion I believe. But, I think we can all agree another attack will come. This crap is overstated hype of the absurdly obvious.

Reuters has reported that Target will open a store in the Hamptons- somehow this also is news. People there apparently have too much money purchase a Michael Graves toilet scrubber at a reasonable price. Let me tell you something about people who are loaded...they did not get that way buy pissing their money away. Some of the cheapest people I have ever seen coincidently happen to shit money. Example: While working in the "retail beauty" industry several years ago, a woman comes in. Gold and diamond earrings, mani/pedi, diamonds and gold dripping from her neck, and boy you should have seen the rock on her left ring finger. I am also in an "affluent" part of town. Anyway, the lady walks in looking for boxes. Yes, boxes that we would throw out- could she have a few? I'm really sorry ma'am, but our shelves have been restocked, and all of our boxes are in the dumpster. The woman sits and ponders the pros and cons of dumpster diving, right there with me. All I really know at this point is, I want to see it if she does. Well, Kinkos wants $2.50 per box, and UPS is more expensive, blah, blah. Then: she tells me what the box is for. She has 2 kids in (private) college, and she would like to bake them each cookies and ship it to them. Yep, this perfectly manicured diamond-drenched bitch wants to dive in a dumpster for shipping materials (food, at that), rather than throw a five for a fresh, unused, sanitary box.

But, my favorite story of the day is of the bank robber, maybe in Arkansas (?)....whether thee authorities have caught the perp, I do not know, but he is recorded on the security video kissing the cash as the teller gives it to him! That's balls.